Landing in Puerto Rico, even from inside the plane, I was hit with a wave of heat.
Exhausted from a five hour flight, my research group (three of us + my professor), got into our rental car and drove two and half hours to the other side of the island.
We moved into a small house the next day (more on that later), and began walking each day to the university we’re working with to work in labs with our research group.
I’m hot all the time now. Inside, outside, the air feels dense and humid, in a way that tells you, it’s going to rain, if it hasn’t already. Being an island, it rains at least once a day in Puerto Rico, usually sometime after noon but before 2:00 PM. The sweet sound of the coqui frog usually fills the air as night falls, and it’s usually the last sound I hear before I fall asleep at night.
I got here six days ago but it feels like it’s been longer, and half of me is trying to embrace it and half of me keeps trying to pull away. Change has always been hard for me, and the part that’s doubting this “adventure” feels a little homesick and uncomfortable. The other part wants to go try all the authentic food, explore all the different places, while also keeping myself safe.
That’s something I’ve been worried about a lot lately. Keeping myself safe in an area I know nothing about. I feel like I have to be on high alert all the time now, it doesn’t matter where I am. When I’m on the street, I have to be looking around, asking myself questions like “Is anyone following me? Do I know where I’m going? How long will it take me to get there?” When I’m at the apartment we’re renting, I ask myself things like “Did we lock the door? Did we leave any food out that is going to attract bugs or anything else? What did we do wrong?” I’m always looking for something to go wrong.
When someone in the research group asked us to go out the other night at 10:00 PM, I said no, not because it wasn’t a nice invitation, but because I didn’t feel safe, especially late at night in an area we know nothing about.
I’ve noticed that traveling somewhere by yourself (in my case, I’m with two other girls from my research group, but I still feel very aware that I’m essentially alone) can make you worried in ways you’ve never been worried before.
Take an experience that happened to me while we were moving into our little house for the next month. The landlord was showing us around, telling us the rules, giving us our keys, showing us how they worked, which doors they went to, etc.
I decided to lock my door after being given the keys. I had noticed two guys standing around outside talking with the landlord, apparently one of the guys used to live here many years ago, and they kept walking in and out of the house.
I went outside where my roommates were and told them that I had locked my room, and they decided it would be a good idea to go lock their’s as well.
Very soon after that I realized too late that I had been left alone with one of these two guys. I had noticed earlier that this particular guy had been staring at us intently.
He began innocently enough:
“How long are you guys staying here?”
I responded hesitantly, being very wary about what information I gave away.
“The summer” I responded.
“Oh. What are you guys doing here?”
Would this guy stop? What information did he think he was going to get out of me?
“We’re doing research.”
“What kind of research? Where are you guys from?”
This was going on for too long.
“We’re from Illinois, we’re doing disaster-resilience research, helping establish systems that can provide clean water, energy, etc.”
He paused. “Oh that’s cool. Yeah I just moved here, my friend is showing me around.”
“Oh wow.” I responded. How do I end this?
“Do you have a car?” he asked. Ok this was going too far now. Where are my roommates?
“No we don’t.” God, why did I say that?
Thankfully at that moment, my roommates called me back into the house, and I was able to escape what had been a nerve-wrecking conversation.
It left me feeling shaken. I was way too aware of how truly vulnerable we were. Would this guy come back? Who knew? But I did know one thing - that it was essential to remain vigilant.
But being vigilant 24/7 is exhausting and overwhelming. I think with time I’ll begin to adjust, but I’m realizing there’s so many things back home that I take for granted, one of them being safety.
I’m more than aware that I can handle this and that I can take care of myself. And I probably need to worry a little less. We’ve done a lot so far too that has made me feel great and excited to be here.
I started writing this post three days in, when I was feeling sad and frustrated, but wasn’t able to finish it because I got caught up in my research work. And sure, I still feel a little frustrated, but I have to learn how to flow with the change rather than against it.
My roommates and I have started exploring more and more. Two nights in a row we’ve left to explore the center plaza of the town we’re staying in, a short 10 minute walk away. We’ve:
Seen wild chickens (I even chased a rooster to see if I could get him to crow, watch the video here)
Tried local foods! Look at the selection of pastries in this bakery we visited:
Watched (and greatly enjoyed) a concert we stumbled upon in the plaza (it was a famous trio called Los Panchos, check them out here)
Even ventured to the beach yesterday to cheer everyone up, we were feeling a little sad about being apart from our families on Father’s Day.
This trip is just as much about conducting research as it is about building a team and a community with the people I’m working with here and with my own roommates. We’re the only ones each other have here, and it’s better to be supporting each other than isolating ourselves.
The team here has been more than welcoming, first giving us a tour of the campus. They even brought us to an art museum! Here are two of my favorite pieces that I saw:
We even went to this beautiful seaside restaurant, look at that view:
The team has been great at just making sure we’re doing alright too, which I really appreciate.
Being here is an adjustment for sure. Things are different, but I’m trying to embrace the fact that I’m here, and my home will be here for the next month. It’s going to take a little effort from myself to worry less and enjoy more.
There’s so many things to look forward to in the next month, whether it be traveling to the actual worksite and beginning to build these systems we’re designing, exploring the island a little more, and even just finding some really great Puerto Rican food to eat (being half Puerto-Rican, this last one is especially exciting to me). I’m continuing to move forward, and that’s all that really matters.
More to come soon, see you next week đź‘‹